I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Congratulations! We have a period
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