I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
