so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
