She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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