Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
