and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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