hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
