Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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