Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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