please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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