And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
