So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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