I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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