Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
