dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
