I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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