my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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