No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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