A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
