How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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