yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
