but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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