I heard we made out
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Let's get the cat blown out
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize