I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
