I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
