I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize