You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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