the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Found the puke drawer
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize