So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
