I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
