It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i barfeds in our rink
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
