At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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