I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
