Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
