I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
