I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
