who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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