is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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