she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
