All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
