I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
