What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
