the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
