I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
