the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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