The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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