Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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