i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
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