Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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