Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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