Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
