I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize