bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
