I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
