I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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