I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
