does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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