sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
