Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
