I didn't shave. On purpose
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize