found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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