wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
