somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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