when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
