i will never coherently bang her
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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