Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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