Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just want nice things and good sex
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
