your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
accomplished twins. life is a go
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
