tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Text me some of your sweat
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
