i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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