wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
