i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
