I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I want a musical about memes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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