I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
