My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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