I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
