It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
