I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
