Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
