i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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