3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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