Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
