Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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