Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
