i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
