Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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