just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
