Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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