I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
