I smell stomach acid.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize