They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
