It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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