Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize