I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need to align my fucking chakras
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
