I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
