non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
