Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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