So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
