i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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