im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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