I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
