dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
