I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
